An intro to survival parts and how they block us from nourishment and care
Feelings are complex
You know that age old experience of having a part of you that wants to do something and another part of you that doesn’t?
Maybe you know it on an emotional level - you feel sad but another part of you feels happy while another part of you is just straight up confused?
In a white supremacist society where everything is seen in all or nothing terms, these more complex experiences or parts of ourselves get shoved into the background and under ground into our subconscious where they tend to wreak havoc on our day to day thoughts and actions.
Bringing conscious awareness to these parts is the first step in regaining agency over our lives so we may exist in choice. But first…what even ARE these parts?
Trauma Parts Basics
Janina Fisher = Sensorimotor Psychotherapy + IFS + Mindfullness
One of my favorite somatic therapists is Janina Fisher, author of Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors as well as other co-authored works in the field of somatic psychology and integrative trauma work. She blends Internal Family Systems, mindfulness and Sensorimotor Psychotherapy together in her conceptualization of how we might approach healing complex and developmental trauma.
What is trauma?
The way I orient to trauma is it’s the overwhelm of toxic stress in the body to a degree that our brains (the prefrontal cortex to be specific - the part of our brain that helps us problem solve, reflect, think things through, hold nuance and complexity etc.) shut down from the overwhelm. This is when our reptilian brain - the one whose only concerned with survival (the oldest least evolved yet very necessary part of our brain) takes over the drivers seat. Now this is a very important response when we’re being chased by a bear or are in any kind of life threatening situation. The challenge is what comes after. And what typically comes after this (especially because we live in a world where mental health is highly stigmatized and misunderstood still) is we think we’re okay and keep going on with our life (Janina calls this our “going on with regular life part”) but our reptile brain is very likely still on high alert for danger.
The Body remembers
The body remembers and the brain is the ultimate well-intentioned but not particularly discerning protector. It will quite literally tell us many stories not rooted in reality in order to keep us safe. But again, the challenge here being we have one part of us that is desperately trying to keep us “safe” in its narrow definition of the term, meanwhile our soul, our heart - the part of us that can hold hope and trust and desire and expansion wants to expand and that requires change, which requires risk, which requires being with the unknown and hoooly guacamole fear brain is not down with the unknown. (If you’re familiar with cognitive distortions in CBT work, you’ll recognize this as catastrophizing, all or nothing thinking, and worst case scenario “what if"…” thinking.
Fragmented instead of Traumatized
So when we have these experiences of toxic stress overwhelm from whatever (and often from conditions that are perpetually traumatizing like systemic racism, capitalism and a global pandemic) our psyche or our whole authentic self gets “fragmented”. Janina has shared that she uses the term fragmented instead of traumatized because many of her clients have resistance (often guilt, shame, denial etc.) when it comes to identifying or acknowledging their traumatic experiences and their impacts. However, the term fragmented tends to be less charged and thus more usable in therapeutic contexts. You can even come up with your own word instead of trauma/traumatized! Whatever feels good to you is the way to go IMO. But for this moment, I will be using fragmented.
These fragments become the survival parts of us that continue to try to keep us safe though they typically only have short term relief in mind (remember survival!) and as humans living in late stage capitalism and climate crisis, I think we can all agree that short termism ain’t the thing we’re really needing, especially if our vision for our life is to be in our authentic magic and share it genuinely with our communities. Our survival parts and the survival resources they move us towards are ESSENTIAL and/but (like everything else) are limited so working through any automations or dependencies on one part or one resource may benefit us on our journey.
Meet your survival parts
The Fight Part:
This is the part of us that is quick to criticize us, judge us, be hella rude and mean to ourselves, or sometimes that energy goes outwards towards others (this in or out energy often depends on if anger was allowed in the family system you grew up in or not). This shows up as gaslighting, minimizing, invalidating, teasing and other emotionally and verbally abusive tactics. The fight part is the hypervigilent part. They’re the one that has us body checking to make sure we’re still safe in a super image based fatphobic world. They’re the one that can’t take in a compliment or an assurance of safety because if they did then they would have to relax and let go, and that’s very terrifying for the fight part. They’re the one that expects there to be something they have to fight back against all the time whether it’s micro aggressions, family commentary or a shitty boss. If this part of us was embodied in a figure, I’d imagine them as the stereotype of a masc figure with their arms in a “don’t fuck with me” type of posture, hands in fists already waiting for a real or symbolic punch to be thrown by the world at them. This part of us is an extremely resilient part of us when it comes to fighting back and speaking out against oppression and injustice. And/but if we’re constantly operating from this part:
it can isolate us from relationships
It can self sabotage us out of opportunities for growth
It can leave us in a constant felt sense of anger or worry, frustration or anxiety
It can block us from taking in love, encouragement, assurance. compliments or support
When it comes to accessing care, if our fight part is so sure we’re not gonna get our needs met, it might inspire us to unconsciously act out in ways that make that assumed future a reality. Sort of like every episode of That’s So Raven.
She has the vision of something bad happening. She does everything in her power to prevent said thing from happening (fight parts are also expressions of control, this is one way disordered eating expresses itself. Trying to control the body through food restriction and exercise compulsions). But in the end, her efforts to stop the thing from happening actually ensures it’s manifestation. Quite the mindfuck if I do say so. The fight part pushes us away from people, from resources and ultimately from our authentic self that knows what it needs. This is why bringing awareness to it can be so useful.
Some quick tips for working with your Fight part:
Ask what it’s afraid of
Ask if it needs to discharge some energy (for example punching the bed)
Ask it if it would say whatever horribleness it’s saying towards a child
Let yourself write out what your fight part is saying on a piece of paper. This can be a great way to get your witnessing self and authentic self back online, while discharging big angry energy in a way that doesn’t hurt yourself or others
The Flight Part:
This is the part of us that is so overwhelmed or so activated by our body, its emotions and maybe even the insistent thoughts that this part wants us to run the flip away. They are like no no no this is too much. I cannot do this. I cannot feel this. I CANNOT. And then we engage in behaviors (aka survival resources) that help us flight our body. This might look like substances, this might look like purging or binging, this might look like avoidance of people, texts, work, commitments. This part could look so many different ways but its core is believing it does not have the capacity to stay in the discomfort and survive, and so to survive it must run away. Now again, this might be actually totally true and we need to run away (figuratively or IRL) but the point here being choice. Are we having conscious choice in our needs, and is our need to really flight? This is particularly important if we avoid intimate care from others or avoid various kinds of ways of getting our real needs met.
Some quick tips for working with your Flight part:
Asking if its overwhelmed (checking in)
Notice if there’s an impulse in your body to physically run away or move away - let your body move in this way
Reality check and encourage this part of you so you stay (you’re okay, you can handle this, I’m right here with you, it’s going to be okay)
Ask what it’s running from? And from there determine what kind of support this part might need
The Freeze Part:
This is the part of us that is SO So so overwhelmed, scared, feeling SO MUCH that body freezes up. This is like the scared little mouse in the corner being chased by the cat that has nowhere to run and so it is frozen in terror. The freeze part shows up as white silence and being a bystander. The freeze part shows up as panic attacks or those moments where we literally cannot even think or move we are so scared or overwhelmed. It shows up as allowing others to intrude our personal physical boundaries (this is especially conditioned due to rampant rape culture). It’s the part that shows up as someone who looks cool calm nd collected but underneath is thinking a million thoughts, so uncomfortable and keeping quiet and still. This is the part of us that doesn’t know what to say, what to do or how to ask for help. It’s a really challenging place to be in for sure. It’s the part of us that might freeze up even thinking about what we need or what it might be like to ask for help when that’s really all it needs.
Quick tips for working with your freeze part:
Start tracking what your freeze state is like
Orient to your five senses (5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can taste, 1 thing you can smell)
Play with tensing and releasing your muscles to get out of the freeze state
If you feel like you can’t speak your needs, allow yourself to write them out either for yourself to see or a supporter to read
The Submit Part:
This is the part of us that has learned to give up, to submit to the pain, to the oppression, to the conditions. This is the part of us that can get stuck in depression, in burnout - the part of us that just doesn’t care anymore. The part of us that slides down a shame spiral that can feel so difficult to get out of. This is the part that more clearly self-isolates. This part is very tricky to work with because truly does need some serious rest and care, but has trouble believing it deserves that care or that the care will make their situation any different than it already is. Tricky! This is why community care is so important, to help us out of these entrenched places that we sometimes can’t get ourselves out of - and that’s not our fault - it’s just biology and societal failures to take care of it’s people.
Quick tips for working with your submit part:
Allow yourself the time you need to rest
Reach out to a friend for support even if its an SOS form or a “hi” form
See if you can situate yourself near some sunlight either indoors or outdoors
Cuddle with any human, plant, stuffed or alive animals for comfort
The Attach part:
This is the part of us that knows our survival is dependent upon staying in connection with other humans. This is the part of us is terrified of rejection or loss. This is the part of us that will do whatever it needs to stay in relationships - namely with our primary caregivers, even if those caregivers are harming us (this applies to adult romantic/sexual relationships as well). The attach part can show up as people pleasing and taking on all the blame even though relationships are a two-way street. It’s the part of us that wants to be a part of the group even if that group isn’t good for us or aligned with our values. This is the part of us that believes it can ONLY get its needs met through other people. This is the part that can block us from receiving love and unconditional care from ourselves.
Quick tips for working with your attach part:
Place a hand on your heart and repeat I am enough
Set a timer for 20 minutes before replying to someone or making a decision based in urgency
Ask this part why it needs this person, place, thing and what they’re afraid will happen if they don’t get it
Ask this part why it can’t get it’s needs from another part of you or another resource
Quick tips that can be used for all these parts:
What are you protecting me from?
What do you need?
Changing your language to “a part of hates myself” instead of “I hate myself” or “a part of me wants to be thinner/fitter” instead of “I want to be thinner/fitter.”
Show the part encouragement
Show the part reassurance
Show the part understanding
Reality check with the part
Notice where you fee this part of you in your body and then use self soothing touch to provide care
Most importantly…
Show your parts unconditional love. These parts are operating out of deeply entrenched beliefs that are typically in the frame of mind that nobody loves them, understands them, or wants them. When we have a harsh inner critic (fight part) we might want to exile it - say fuck that part and even hate them back. We might get frustrated with the parts that make life more challenging or isolating for ourselves or get in the way of what our heart truly wants. This is when we show these parts - these fragmented parts of US true. patient. unconditional. LOVE. We tell these parts I see you in your hurt, your fear, your overwhelm and I’m right here. And I’m not going anywhere. Even saying these words out loud - as silly as it may seem, can be all you need to get your higher self, authentic self back in the driver’s seat and on the path that spirit has laid forth for you.
