How to Survive Non-Stop Tragedies: An American Death Story
The Going On With Regular Life Part is one of our survival parts. It's the part that keeps us showing up to pay the bills, showing up to maintain our relationships, showing up to take care of others. It's the part that is just going on with the show despite the outside world being on fire.
It's the part that knows I still need to shower, wear something that expresses how I feel and who I am. The part that says “you still need to promote your show. Don’t self sabotage!!” The part that knows what is happening and chooses routine to cope.
It can sometimes be the part denying that anything is wrong and nothing happened at all. It mostly just wants you to move the fuck on. Keep going.
This part is both resilient and a zombie. This part has a role and can take over. I know this part so well in my lineage. I see it in my Father nearly everyday - he cannot stop. He cannot break routine.
Instead of succumbing to this parts numbing agents, its robot approach, I try to to keep contact with it by catching myself in that mode, so my other parts still have room at the table too - the scared, burnt out parts. The angry and defeated parts.
I often notice Mx. Going On With Regular Life Part when I feel like I'm walking in slow motion. It's like doing your laundry and just chatting about other things in life, and as you sit down and there's the tiniest pause, the memory comes back of what has happened…what is still happening. It's like knowing there’s a war happening around you and you still must go to work.
This is the world we live in. This is late stage capitalism.
Early Saturday, after staying up way too late Friday, I sat in my father's chair he used in school in the 70's. I opened my notebook to write my to do list and keep going with this “Going On With Regular Life” mode. I have shit to do, this part says.
The page that opens is the most recent dream I recorded.
It's dated June 17th 2022.
Titled: War Zone.
It reads,
I am in a war zone.
It happened suddenly.
All around blood and chaos.
One scene: in a room with someone else. Dad, guy friend, some dude. He shoots the door open and then I rush out. There are huge blasts all around. I’m walking out of the zone crying and actively injured. I see these girls I just met and tell them “Come along! It’s time to go!”
It feels like 9/11.
It feels like the end of the world.
Re-member your going on with normal life part loves. Don’t let it take full control.
Use your emotional parts to express this moment.
Document this moment.
Re-member your stories and your ancestors.
Re-member to bring all of your parts to the table, they each know a lot.
When we re-member, we can heal and make space just to be.
This is the work of Re-membering.
So while my going on with regular life part says, you gotta promote! Resulting in a feeling of guilt for not completely stopping my life because seriously, wtf?
My spirit and ancestors remind me of my role in the social change ecosystem as Storyteller. The guilt starts to pass. My energy returns. The work begins,
again.
